The Rules of Christianity

I have come to realize that there are certain things that Christians tend to do and say, mostly for the purposes of having other people know that they are Christians. There is a whole big expectation of things that Christians are "supposed" to do. I grew up in the Conservative Baptist church of the USA, so for years I was taught that you couldn't drink, smoke, dance, or listen to secular music (heaven forbid it be rock'n'roll!) and be a Christian. Had to have a "daily quiet time," and it had to be first thing in the morning. Had to have a ready answer to the Christian school principal's question of "How's your walk with God lately?" and God forbid it be anything except a verbatim quotation of the scripture that you'd read that very morning.

Christians are supposed to be involved with politics, but nothing as messy as giving a home to an unwed mother, adopting a child, or donating one's time or money to the Crisis Pregnancy Centers. No, it's much easier to simply picket outside the abortion clinic, and say ugly things to and about women who wear "I Had an Abortion" t-shirts. One of my closest childhood friends had an abortion, and she tells me it was the hardest thing she'd ever done -- not least because of the stigma and ostracism she knew she would face if she ever returned to the Christian community (which, to date, she has not done). She did tell me that my reaction of heartfelt sympathy went a long way towards helping her to heal from the wounding she experienced from other Christians about it.

Christians are supposed to show gay people the love of Christ, but at the same time make sure they know at all times what abominable sinners they are. Sure, put a huge weight of guilt, shame, and condemnation on 'em -- that'll lead 'em to Jesus for sure!

Lately there have been things added to the list of rules: Christians don't read Harry Potter. This reminds me of a very funny story about when my pastor and his wife came over to dinner once, and she was talking a mile a minute while he was perusing our bookshelves (don't ask me why). He noticed our boxed set of the Chronicles of Narnia, and drew her attention to it.

"Oh, what a great series that is!" she exclaimed, beaming. "Ever so much better than that nasty Harry Potter series--those books are nothing but occultic! Christians ought to have NO truck with the devil!" she told me with a wide smile and a decisive and self-righteous nod.

With a sweet smile, I pointed to our entire set of Harry Potter books. "Those are one shelf up," I told her. She changed the subject rather gracelessly, and I tried not to laugh. I doubt she has ever read any of them.

(I can assure you that my obsession and admiration for Professor Snape does not negatively impact my faith at all; in fact, with my great fondness for redemption stories, I think he illustrates the concepts very nicely.)

So it's apparently part of the rules that Christians have to have other people do their thinking for them. They aren't allowed to read books that other Christians say are bad; they aren't allowed to watch movies with any sex, swears, or nudity (although violence seems to be universally accepted; I wonder why the double standard?); they aren't allowed to do, say, think, or experience anything for themselves that they've heard other Christians say are bad for any reason.

The upshot of this is that Christians seem to have their own little sub-culture wherein they can stay happy and comfortable -- and be perfectly worthless and useless to the outside world around them. And woe to any Christians who break the "rules" -- they get castigated by all the rule-followers and accused of not even being Christians. It's as if, to be a Christian, you're supposed to just ignore all the ugly and gritty aspects of living in the world, in favor of keeping up appearances and pretending everything is fine. And if you don't pretend everything is fine, then you ARE the problem.

Might as well move to Pleasantville.

I Have Ceased Being a Regular Churchgoer

This isn't a blog full of complaints about my church, because in all honesty I don't think that particular church, or pastor, or whatever is the problem. It's more that I've pretty much had it with the traditional "sing a while, have announcements, sing some more, have a testimony, sing some more and take the offering, and then sit down and listen to a 40 minute sermon about things that have nothing to do with what you face on a daily basis" angle of church. Where's the participation? Where's the connection? Where's the interaction, the sharing, the serving that the New Testament talks about?

We haven't stopped attending completely; we make it maybe every 3rd week or so. But it's more and more of a chore, and it's just basically so we can squeeze in a few minutes with our friends that we don't get to see during the week. And a new church is not the answer. In talking about it we don't think changing churches is going to help. Grey mentioned elsewhere that the traditional church in the pointy building just isn't working for us anymore. And our church meetingplace isn't even pointy! Mind you, they want to build a pointy one, which is part of the reason we're not happy there. When a church gets big enough to need another building, it is NOT time to build a bigger building. It's time to plant a new church! Honestly, I think it's more a point of pride with pastors, to have a bigger church, than it is a thing of them being better able to serve their congregation. Pride and control -- I've seen that in almost every church I've been in. There may be a possible exception with our current one -- I don't know if our pastor is prideful or a control freak (though I know his wife is) -- but if not, he's definitely misguided.

And when's the last time you pointed out a doctrinal error to a church pastor and he changed his mind? Nope. Doesn't happen. For the most part, they believe in whatever they were taught at Bible college, and if you disagree it's because you have it wrong. There are some who will listen to you and study it out for themselves (the pastor of the small non-denom we attended for a year, for example -- he ended up disagreeing with me, but I deeply respect the fact that he studied it for himself. He did end up in a different place from where he had begun, at any rate!). But mostly they'll just tune you out. Listening means they have to think, and most people don't seem to like to think for themselves whether they pastor a church or not.

Then again, I've also been thinking and reading about how un-Biblical the position of pastor is, too -- at least, the idea of "pastor" that we have: the man who leads the church and who preaches every week. Show me that in scripture, eh? And then tell me where it says the pastor is any more important to the function of a church body than the prophet, or the teacher, or the helper? But that's another blog for another time.

Some friends have mentioned the house-church idea, and honestly I think I'm leaning in that direction -- but there again, how do you track down a group of people who only know about it by word-of-mouth? And more to the point, how do you know it's not one of those creepy cultish groups that wears headcoverings and don't allow the women to speak? Or that worship Michael Pearl, or that think it's somehow holier to follow Old Testament Laws? (Hm, I wonder just how many of them keep a "menstrual tent" for their women?)

(Or maybe they just WISH they did!)

After the disappointment of my aunt's JW "memorial service" (which was about 3 minutes of the minister talking about her, and about 42 minutes of him explaining JW doctrine about death), I reached a real low point with religion. Basically, I've had it with religion. I don't want it anymore. I want a Mike Yaconelli-style "Messy spirituality," that isn't bogged down with what other people think about religion. I want Jesus, but I want Jesus without all the religious crap.

I want to be Jesus to people, to the best of my ability, and if that means never darkening the door of a pointy building again, then I'm all over it.

Seems like frequently, the traditional "church" does more harm than good these days anyway. We have to figure out a way to relate to the "unchurched" people -- like Jesus did! -- or else we're going to be useless in the new century. Worse than useless -- damaging.

If anyone's interested, here are some book recommendations that'll give you an inkling where I'm coming from:
Messy Spirituality
Who is Your Covering? A Fresh Look at Leadership, Authority, and Accountability
Sinners in the Hands of an Angry Church
So You Don't Want to go to Church Anymore

Happy reading!